Lockdown No.5 and Beyond

Cambridge, New Zealand

Hello Peoples

It’s been a while since I blogged and there sure is lots to catch up on!

I went down to Cambridge and spoke at a women’s meeting, which was lovely. It did something within me I wasn’t expecting – reuniting with a side of myself I’d left down there nearly twelve years ago. But also, it was wonderful driving through and reacquainting myself with the town that stole my heart back in 1999. This was a place I never thought I would leave, and a people who walked with me through my days of being a single mum. Very special and priceless memories – but oh boy, has life changed!

Dad was rushed to hospital after collapsing for the second time in three weeks, and that whole process was rather daunting. Spending ten hours in ED with your brother, husband and a father with dementia, who didn’t understand what was going on, that was something real indeed. Seeing dad so feeble and weak, laying there trying to sleep and yet opening his eyes, because he’s a people watcher and didn’t want to miss a thing; funny man ๐Ÿ™‚ We still don’t know what caused the collapse, but I hazard a guess they may become more frequent. We celebrated his 82nd birthday, his heart is still strong, so who knows?

I’ve been finding such joy in writing my sequel to Mirabelle. Claudine starts right where Mirabelle ended, and takes on a new character, who has suffered a full psychotic breakdown. Loosely based on true events, Claudine becomes acquainted with Yeshua and is taken on many journeys within the spirit realm, helping to uncover the roots and the causes of said breakdown. Amongst all this time travelling, Mirabelle is on a grand adventure leading The Army alongside Joan of Arc, and other wonderful people from the first novel. Of course, as is my style, there are adventures to be had within the nation of Israel which tie into the storyline, so some of you (bearing different names) could be popping up shortly – fun times peoples!

For those who have been head down and busy with life, you may not know that New Zealand is in full level four lockdown again. Delta has shot over here into the community, and whilst I disagree with most things our PM says, I do agree with full lockdowns. I would even go so far as to say, I enjoy them! But in all honesty, as an ‘Aucklander’, it has become old hat, this being our fifth lockdown. My father’s home in the past 18 months, has endured EIGHT lockdowns, three of those for other things not covid related. So, this has become part of the NZ psyche now, and to be honest, it’s not all bad. Even good old PM of the UK admitted, ‘it’s not the vaccinations that are working, as much as it is, the lockdowns.’ Whilst you’re free to disagree, we still have lost under 30 individuals due to covid, so that speaks volumes really.

During this lockdown, I have been the sickest I’ve been, in the past decade. I’d like to take my proverbial hat off to my husband, who stepped into my role without a blink, and MADE me stay in bed for days! It’s not been easy being the patient, but it certainly has given me time to think and to reflect. I’ve been so busy being busy, I haven’t made time for the important things that I’ve been carrying for many years now. I’m definitely at a crossroads, and looking to a future that looks different to the current reality I am living. This doesn’t scare me, it excites me! How I long for more adventure, more mystery, more travel and times spent with my Beloved husband and kids discovering new things. Many months spent in this chair makes me realise, I’m not created to spend many more months sitting in this chair!

Well friends, I hope that wherever you are, you are well and enjoying life.

Be blessed,
Sandi xx

Let’s Begin

I have had the most intensive, remarkable, gorgeous, stunningly beautiful weeks, here in this new office space. I knew I was about to enter a new season, and I knew I needed to be surrounded by a lighter atmosphere that would help inspire a deeper sense of creativity, but I never envisioned THIS.

“What is THIS,” I hear you asking? Quietly and ever so shyly, I can only say, “Him.

The One.
Yeshua.
Lover of my soul.
Keeper of my heart.
Him.
Divine truth.
Divine creativity.
Playfulness.
Beauty.
All that is Good.
All that is Holy.
Abba Father.
Holy Spirit – Ruach HaKodesh.
Him.
The I AM.
Him.

The One my soul has longed for and not experienced, in the longest of times. And yet, He chose this time to meet me and adorn me in His loving Grace. Yes, Him…..

Those of you who knew me pre 2011, would have remember how different life was back then, for me. You would remember someone who lived in two very different worlds, and who had two very different lives.

One world was where I existed with Yeshua. In divine intimacy. A student of love, of the Word, of mysteries and wonder. Someone whom had been romanced, courted and taken into a world that was so extravagant and other-wordly; one can’t describe in terms magnificent enough, all that Yeshua shared with me.

The other world, was this one. Tough, mean and brutal. Always struggling to make ends meet. Failing dismally at being the woman of God I thought I was supposed to be. Pressure; never ending cycles of poverty, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Alongside uprooting me from the place I thought I would be forever, and away from my spiritual parents and home church; this world was hard. Living up here in Snells Beach (in the beginning) was like mourning every day. The wonder, the exuberance, the love of life and the peace I encountered, were all gone. It was just me and my three kids. Until. Until a man came along and swept me into a world of dreams that were foreign to me. It was all so wonderful, but where was Yeshua now?

My deepest desires had come true. My hearts cry and been heard by my Abba, and here was the man I was destined to be with – although our path has been fraught with trials and tribulations that many wouldn’t cope with, we found our way, together and with the Lord.

I sit here now, elated and yet wounded. Deep sobs have wracked my body for weeks now. A repentance that is so soul shattering, and yet in the shards and fractals of light, I am experiencing Yeshua again, outside of time and space, and in the arms of an ever loving Abba.

How did I get it all so wrong? How did I go from the deepest of intimacy, from hours spent in His word, to dealing with mental illness, dementia, autism, dyspraxia, anxiety, marriage, separation, illness, fatigue and simple exhaustion?

Where was HE in all of this?

That’s the joy in this great tale – HE was always here, beckoning me, calling me. Giving me dreams in the deep of night, giving me hope in the early morning shards of light that would fall upon my face. He was here speaking through His word still, calling me through creation. The kereru that would fly over and sit upon the palm tree, so I could watch in wonder. The miracle of seeing a butterfly EVERY DAY for two years. The tui that come to our tree, and sing with their two voice boxes. The love of three beautiful children who have filled this house with untold hours of joy, raucous laughter, magic and delight. The husband who delights in me, who speaks so much love into my soul, who cares for me so tenderly. Yes, I am blessed and I know He has been speaking.

But until recently, it had been through others, and not face to face like it used to be.

THE yellow chair

And now? Now when I sit in my yellow chair, His presence comes and I am undone with wonder. I joy in Him. I delight in Him. I minister to Him, as I was created to do, and I worship Him in spirit and in truth. I meet with Abba and ask Him what very few do, “How is YOUR heart Abba? How can I minister to you today?”

“Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
The priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
And it’s only found one place

Take me in to the Holy of Holies
Take me in by the blood of the Lamb
Take me in to the Holy of Holies
Take the coal, cleanse my lips, here I am
Take the coal, cleanse my lips, here I am.”

ยฉLyrics by Kent Henry.

I know a tiny snippet of where this journey is taking me, however I also realise that it is different to times in the past. Imprinted on my heart and mind are the magnificent verses from Isaiah, that I am now starting to live. Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it spring up; do you not perceive it?”

He is SO good. So very, very good.

Him. My everlasting love. Ishi. My beloved kinsmen redeemer. Him.

Much blessing
Sandi ๐Ÿ™‚

Today.

Book Two in the Journeys of the Heart series.

Today is a beautiful day, in more ways than one!

It is the first day of winter, here in New Zealand, June 1.

I am sitting in my new office, quite mesmerized by a scene I have looked at a thousand times, but has new meaning for me today.

The view from my new office

Today also is the day, that Jo’s second book in her series, Journeys of the Heart, is released. It’s a page turner that had me quite heated up several times, and had me wiping my glasses even as I edited it!!

Today is also the day that my two published books are featured in a nationwide catalogue, that goes to all the Christian retailers around our nation. That has been quite the surprise!

First & second rows, wow!!

But also today, I was asked something that really struck me: how is your heart?

The mere thought that anyone would ask me that, is Heaven on earth to me! I am such a passionate heart girl, that is indeed where I meet with Abba and Yeshua, and yet it’s a question that we as the body of Christ, very rarely ask each other.

So today is beautiful. Not because good things are happening, because actually, behind the scenes, things are mad – but today is a good day, because it is crowned with loving kindness and tender mercies.

And that’s enough to rejoice.

So, how’s YOUR heart?

Sandi

Just One Moment

The golden Hokianga ๐Ÿ™‚

I stopped. Just silent and still. I looked, only moving my eyes. It was perfect, just stunningly perfect. Nothing unusual or outstanding, a scene that has graced our eyes many a time, but today there was just something extraordinary about it.

Continue reading “Just One Moment”