Well after the utter deluge of crazy that ensued after posting the cover for SparkleMoon Publishing’s newest release, I thought I’d put it up here for you to have a looksy!
As you are aware, we’ve been collaborating with my brother Tony. We love what he has accomplished, and look forward to further collaborations in the future. To check out more about Tony, go to http://www.clewey.com to see his work and read his many accomplishments.
A MASSIVE thanks to those of you who have been thinking and praying for us all. It’s been amazing the messages etc that have come through and meant the world to us as we faced the loss of our family members. Heartfelt thanks from Steph, Juju, Sammy, Neil and myself <3
We have started a new business! Our third in less than a year…..wonders never cease!! I will blog about that soon.
It seems to be time to get moving and keep going on – ‘occupy until He comes.’
I wrote a blog once about de-masking and becoming real. Foolishly, I deleted it. I then went on and deleted all of my blogs. I did print out some of them, but The Mask was not among them! There had been much ado about something or rather, and I felt unsafe blogging. Oh the foolish actions of someone who was too scared to stand and face the very truth that she longed to convey. However, after letting go of some people and opinions, I realised it was time to reflect back and write from the heart, once again.
You know, it’s never too late to take a stand and show the world the true you, the one that has all the sags, bags and wrinkles but knows enough to be sure, and enough to remain humble.
I got confused by someone who used to tell me, that to the public, they would wear a mask. It just didn’t sit right with me. There was always conflict with them, it was never plain sailing. Speaking one thing to one person, yet saying something entirely different to someone else. Keeping their cards very close to their chest, and yet demanding an audience and trying to have a perception of authority and wisdom. It never worked for me.
I learnt through some very troubling times, that if you indeed are going to wear a mask, then you had better be prepared for the eventuality that it will be ripped off someday. And you had better pray that the Lord does it gently and privately, so as not to seem like a public spectacle or debarcle.
You see, if one is truly authentic and living in the light of God’s love, there is absolutely no reason at all to wear a mask anymore. Who are you trying to hide from and who are you trying to fool? Those with a sense of discernment and any sense of true perception, are going to see right through it, and if they have enough mettle, they will call you on it too.
There’s something about turning fifty, or even just a few weeks beforehand, that made me question alot about my life and come out from behind my self-imposed mask.
I decided to stop dying my hair. I realised there are just some foods I can no longer eat, even though I like them. I have come to love my stretchmarks, they are my badges of pregnancy and carrying such great blessings. After years of of trying to gain my pre-Sammy body, I’ve come to realise that rounded and larger is good too. I love my wrinkles, they show I have lived. I really adore my laughter lines, because my goodness there is still so much joy to share in! I have come to appreciate my boobs are saggy, but they have fed and nurtured my kiddos. I’ve also come to appreciate that I am going through major hormonal changes (menopause) and the greatest gift I can give (apart from nutrition) is love and kindness towards myself. I have found walking my beloved beach to be such a tonic of healing and health, and I have found my love of dancing again!
There are those who want to label me a worshipper, a prophet, an author, a publisher, a this or a that. But what I know for sure is that I am a Watchman and I call out what I see. I am not popular, I never have been and don’t aspire to be. I am not a great Beauty to the world, but I am to my husband and children. I am not a Rockstar, but I love my singing voice – because these days I have come to appreciate I sing for an audience of One. I don’t have anything to prove with my writing or my blogs, I just write what I sense the Lord telling me too. I feel such great sadness and joy within the same moment, and realise that is how the Lord made me, and I know how to manage those emotions now. I see the world and life very differently to a few years ago, and I’m not afraid to live it.
We live in such unprecedented and tumultuous times, we don’t know where or when the next disaster will be. But we know the One who calms the seas, brings Shalom (peace) to the raging heart; gives us joy for sadness; a song instead of a dirge; provision from Heaven; parts the sea of troubles for us to walk right through; hope for the nations and love for all mankind. His name is Yeshua (Jesus) – He alone is our Salvation, our Rock and the strong tower of our Defense, AND the name above ALL names – including Covid-19! We serve a Mighty God who knows the end from the beginning, who writes OUR names upon His hand, who loves us so completely and delights in us abundantly.
I love this time of life, and have continued to embrace all the changes. There is so much to be thankful for, so much to be excited about and so much yet to do.
But the one thing I know for sure, unequivocably and indeliably – you can’t do any of this from living behind a mask!
It’s day three of this enforced lockdown, here in Snells Beach, New Zealand. The sun is on full display and it really is a beautiful day, beckoning the mixture of both cool and warm temperatures that are symbolic of Autumn.
What an incredibly strange time we have found ourselves in. Sure, I was warning people to be prepared, and yes I was marvelling at how people were just laughing in my face. But I didn’t expect THIS to happen quite so soon. What is THIS, you may ask? Being told that as a nation, the whole of New Zealand will be in enforced lockdown for four weeks.
My daughters and husband have their certification to prove that they are Essential Services. Much to my dismay, so was Sammy – as a paper deliverer. However, after alot of complaints and much abuse hurled our way, we have just been notified that we are no longer ‘essential’ – thank God for that!
I’m a homebody and I love being here. We are so incredibly fortunate that we have a majestic outlook over Kawau Bay and a big portion of Snells Beach. We have the good fortune (or at least I do as I’m ususally the first one up!) of seeing God paint such wonders and beauty across the sky each morning. But the thought that I can’t drive up and over the one entry/exit point from here, well that is taking a bit to get used too.
We have made the most of Zoom, WhatsApp and Marco Polo apps, and Sammy is doing online learning care of Google Classroom. The school holidays have been bought forward and now he is supposedly on a break; I’m still getting him to do a bit of work each day to catch up though 😉 I don’t usually get into all the techie stuff as that is normally Neil’s department, but I am so grateful that we can stay connected, worldwide.
I have been in touch with dear friends in the States, London and in Australia, and have been trying to maintain contact with family in Wales and well as home. I am particularly grateful for what I call our ‘Skywatch Family’ – friends we made on our last tour of Israel. They have been at the forefront of contact and have been keeping us up to date with the goings on in the America and the UK. I do believe some of them are in total lockdown now, as we are.
I guess there are some really amazing benefits and opportunities for all of this. I am not going to blast our government or lay blame anywhere, I am just going to accept this enforced lockdown as time with my family that is well needed. Time to set aside from all the busyness that crowds in and takes over, and time to reconnect on a more personal level. We’ve gotten the garden sorted, we’ve rearranged our office space and there is a HUGE cupboard that we are sorting through, gradually! The garage has had the car removed and Neil has set up another space in there for his work.
It all sounds ok, but I do wonder about our infrastructure? With so many businesses going online, and so many schools going online, will we be able to manage the overloading? I wonder about our already stretched healthcare system. We already had a problem with people not being seen on time, doctor and nurse shortages, and endless protests by healthcare professionals, looking for more pay. Do we really have what is necessary to weather this new healthcare storm? I don’t think so. But we must remain positive, and turn our worries into silent prayers of supplication to the one who knows it all – the end from the beginning.
So dear friends, whilst I sit here with a Unicorn headband on and laugh at my family wearing large green St Patricks Day hats, I trust that you have a great day and stay at home!
I’ve really grappled with writing this part of the story. Knowing there is a possibility that the people concerned may read this, I am trying to be as tactful as possible…
Things weren’t right. I was not being heard. Even though there had been warnings about the trip to Israel and I was trying to listen to them, when I expressed them, I was pretty much fobbed off and left to it. This would come back to haunt others in the ensuing weeks and months.
I have never spoken publically what I am about to share – so if you can’t deal with raw, honest and vulnerable, I suggest you leave the page now.
I have been attacked twice in my life, with what I would call ‘terror and dread.’ These spirits go far beyond fear, and if not dealt with swiftly, they will stay attached for as long as they can. Once, while driving alone in the car, these hands reached around and tried to strangle me. I called upon the name of Jesus, and he literally saved me from blacking out and crashing the car. The second time, was in the back of the car, in a traffic jam in Tel Aviv – with this couple. The person I was with went all black eyed and snake headed. The words that spewed out of it were from hell itself. Afterwards the person jumped out of the car and ran off.
I sat there paralysed in utter silence.
Welcome to Israel!
The next morning, there were prayers and forgiveness, but the shock and trauma had set in, and things weren’t ok for Neil and I. In fact, as the tour started, I found myself more and more not being heard, and ended up hiding behind Neil – literally hiding. The only thing that got me through, was knowing we had a nice room to retreat to if necessary! Never mind that I was in this land I loved, I guess most of me had checked out, shut down.
It wasn’t until we got to Masada that there was a change for me. I knew because of finding out my natural heritage, that I needed to pray for certain things atop of Masada. After a loud disagreement, Neil and I broke away from the group, and I went to where I’d seen in a vision, a certain area to stand and pray. It was perfect. No one there, just Neil (who was off taking photos), myself and God. I really sensed the Ruach wind of God. A sense of Yeshua being right there with me. It seemed to be of another time, it was just majestic. I was deeply moved, deeply quiet. I will never forget that moment. Spiritually speaking, something had shifted….
As we travelled through this glorious land, we discovered wonderful treasures and moments of joy, but the deep overwhelming feeling of dread and terror remained.
I was shocked by some of the tour group. Mutterings in the back of the bus about our tour guide, mocking him and saying nasty things – I’d come all this way for that?
I was utterly disgusted by one of the ‘leaders’ actions. We’d been sent the notes beforehand on how we were to behave, and told not to disagree with the guides infront of others etc. Well, this leader had outright arguments with our guide, so Neil and I turned off our whispers and walked away. I had a sense this person was rather arrogant, well that darn well proved it!
The final nail in the Israeli coffin, was this American couple we seemed to get on well with. They were wanting to share dinners, swap emails etc which seemed fine, all to then turn around and cut off all contact with us once they’d gotten the contact details of the couple we took over. So much for befriending ‘like minded’ people!
I was ruined. Just completely lacerated in my soul. And I was done. I may have loved Israel, but I never wanted to return again. And I would never tour with American people again 🙂 Que laughter here!
When we returned to New Zealand, our middle daughter and her partner were leaving the next week to relocate to Australia. The farewell dinner we held was the last time we ever saw our friends. They literally live one mile away, and they just ditched us. We were used for our money, our time, our friendship and then hurled away.
I sank into a depression. A lot of things transpired, and I just wasn’t coping. I reached out to the Gilberts, who were by the way, outstanding in their support and prayers!
My book was then internationally published, and I couldn’t even deal with having a book launch or celebration. Something that had bought so much joy to me as I wrote it, and here I was not even really wanting to acknowledge what God had done through me! My eldest daughter took it upon herself to put up posters all around our wee village, and to approach the local libraries. She also ‘reminded’ those who had received my book for free, to get online and do a review – she’s amazing like that!
I’m not at all ashamed to say I reached out and got professional help. Someone who went incredibly deep with me. Someone who went into the spirit realm and routed out these liar demons that were having a field day with me. Someone whom I have so much love and respect for. This woman made me work SO DAMN HARD! And I’m so glad she did, because it made a difference. I found prayers online that went into hard areas that other Christians or Ministries won’t touch, and I WENT THERE. And so did Neil. He too got help. And we got help with God. We got healed of our ‘stuff’ and we started to move through the minefield that had been lacerated open in Tel Aviv.
Come January 2 this year, everything changed. I woke up and felt like my Inner Warrior Princess had risen up again. It didn’t stay that way for long, but I learnt so many valuable lessons. But, I couldn’t write. Even doing my study was hard, because it involves writing! But one thing I repented of and really got serious about, was Israel. God had placed his hand on my life concerning this, his chosen land, and no demon in hell was going to keep me from my destiny!
FINALLY, in due course, we were able to view the video of the Tour that the Gilberts sent through. And then the next week we looked at the up and coming tour. We blessed it and thought it sounded great, but nothing else transpired.
Tom Horn. Zev Porat. Carl Gallups. The Jim Bakker Show.
An internal ‘explosion’……
Oh boy, here we go again……..!
Content and photos copyrighted by Sandi Wilson 2019
And so here we are celebrating you, the wonderful glorious young woman Stephanie Dannella Alexandra Hornell!
What a privilege and honour to be your Mumma, to be your friend and rival Unicorn admirer in this life!
I’ve wanted to write about you for the longest time. but I couldn’t find the words.
Today the words found me….
I can’t remember life too much before you, it simply doesn’t seem worthwhile to do so. You were the prayer most deepest in my heart, the cry of my soul, the longing for the greatest and hardest job ever – Motherhood. I didn’t want a great career, loads of money or even a husband actually. All I every truly desired deep in my truest soul, was you. When I discovered on my 22nd birthday that you were there inside of me, well I think you know I felt, and still feel to this day. As a person who cherishes words and likes to express them, Steph you left me speechless.
I think most people know you took a VERY long time to arrive (52 hrs peoples!) but when you got here, the rejoicing was endless. Uncle Tony doing his version of an Indian Rain Dance; Aunty Caroline holding you and smiling deep into your eyes; Nana just dying to get hold of you; Poppa holding you and singing; your Dad just overwhelmed and me……..looking into your dreamy eyes and feeling whole for the first time in my life. Knowing that I did something right, and you were IT.
I remember that evening, being surrounded by eleven people around my cubicle in the hospital, just mesmerized at this wee baby, and my how you slept. Six hours straight, and I just didn’t want to sleep because I was so afraid that you were a dream. That if I woke up, you wouldn’t be there. And there you were, and here you are now.
I’ve watched you grow up and marvelled at different aspects of your personality as you grew. Your only dolly that you really loved, you renamed Ashley after your baby cousin, and that dolly is still in this house. You were more of a matchbox car girl, playing out in the mud and being a racecar driver! You were certainly far more interested in burning ants outside with a magnifying glass, than being inside and raiding my make up cupboard – that delight went to your sister 😉
I would scratch my head and throw my hands up in the air when you had dismantled something YET AGAIN to see how it worked, and then struggled to put it back together! That’s been the mainstay in your life – your mind and your inner workings are still such a mystery to me, but I behold that gift with great majesty and wonder.
Then when things like puberty hit and your body started changing, that was such a hard time for you. Horrible comments from family members about weight etc, they were arrows in your gentle sensitive soul. The nastiness of some around you have weighed heavily on you, but somehow you manage to rise above it and still remain so beautiful, whilst I’m wanting to lop off their heads and tell them to sod off! You have known great rejection and abandonment in your life, yet I’ve never seen you reject a single soul.
Loyalty and faithfulness are big for you, and I so deeply apologise that others have not honoured that within you. I again, have stood by and marvelled at how others could treat you so badly and then smile at your face 🙁 I only know that in time, they will reap what they have sown, and that their own pain has clouded their own beautiful souls.
I have witnessed your unconditional love towards your siblings – all of them – and your love runs so deep, you had their initials tattooed on your wrist. I didn’t understand at the time, but I do now, and that you did that to physically show your love towards them blesses me immensely. Your Mumma is so proud darling <3
Your head wobble thing you do, your sass, your individuality and knowing who you are deep inside – these are things that I couldn’t teach you, they are what life has taught you. Your humour and quick wit are still a wonder to behold – who knew I would birth a frecken comedian?!
You bring so much love, so much goodness to our world, and I’m so blessed to have been the one to raise you. I don’t take my job as your Mother lightly, I never will. You were the greatest gift I had ever received and every day I am so grateful you are here. Your being, your soul, your heart, your talents, your goodness, your grace – they bless this world and we are surely all much better individuals for knowing and loving you.
My girl – my first True Love, I honour you today with all that I have, and thank God for the woman you are: Stephanie Hornell.
A flock of birds fly by at break neck speed as the sound of a car alarm disperse the early morning calm.
Engines humming as boats leave the shore to head out to fish the waters of the Hauraki Gulf.
Large grey cottony clouds hover over the island of Kawau, the whistle and songs of the native birds rousing the melody of the morn.
The occasional seagull dives and squawks as he nears his prey, whilst ducks quack their loud honking call to all who dwell in this fair Bay.
Faint whisps of colour brush the sky with the promise of another glorious sunrise, as shards of firey pink gold peak through on the horizon.
It’s the Dance of Dawn, a scene she has watched hundreds of times from this very spot, a time when majesty and wonder collide to bring forth such promise and mystery to any given day.
Not a chance of accident or evolution; the morning glory tells the ages past of the ages present and the ages to come.
More shards of firey glory are breaking through as she looks straight ahead and watches in great anticipation.
This dance of hope and wonder, never gets old.
She sits watching as a lone bird flies past the firey scene on it’s way to join it’s friends. She feels the warmth invade her soul as the peak of the burning sphere rises above the Island. She covets the residents on that island, watching the sunrise without interruption….
God’s glory rises in her heart….
The wonder of a new day….
A mystery to unfold….
Not rules and principles to govern this soul, but movement – grace and hope wrapped in this ball of light.
The silence of this moment is interrupted by the sounds of vehicles revving; the golden glow spreads like magic thoughout the sky.
She glimpses it’s reflection in her own golden hair. Grace upon grace enfolds her heart as love awakens the Dawn.
Clouds part as shards of light disperse and the morning song becomes a crescendo of melodies calling from Heaven.
Relections of gold shimmer and dance on the water as this autumn day beckons her to the fro.
A row of trees on the island look like they’re dancing in front of a seductive camp fire…
The sun peaks out and bounces off her page as she writes. Ahhh, the warmth of the sun, the golden glimpses that enrapture her imagination.
A snapshot forms in her mind, to go with all the other hundreds of snapshots she has taken of this wonderous moment.
For a brief time other island in the Gulf come into view, bathed in this glorious light. Ah such awe inspiring visions of love, sent from the Father of lights, to garner our day and show His great pleasure in us. We, He, I.
The Great Unfolding timeless mystery of Sunrise.
Photos and writing copyrighted by Sandi Wilson 2019.